Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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