Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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