I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to make a zoo with you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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