He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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