Just fell off a train. Bad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
