tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
