I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
