Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
