my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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