Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
