Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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