I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Let's paint friendship bongs
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
