just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
