I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
