oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
