I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
