8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
