Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
