Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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