I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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