i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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