You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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