this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need water and some morals
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
