Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
