Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I had to cum in my sink.
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