The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
