yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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