Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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