Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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