3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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