I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I could make wine with my vomit
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
