She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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