at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
