I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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