i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
