Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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