there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize