handjob tips. give me some.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
