woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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