i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
