Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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