She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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