I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize