For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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