forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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