We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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