We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
