I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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