and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
