Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
