lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
