yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
