Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
not ubering you a puppy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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