You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
