He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
