Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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