the condom got lost in my hair
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You ruined the universe
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
