Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
