I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
