do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
