Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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