when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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