Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
