My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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