i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
