I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
