The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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