I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
