My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
