So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
