Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
