My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize