You're completely useless in the revolution.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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