i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
