Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
