I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
