he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
