Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize