Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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