Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
