I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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